Down But Not Out/home

Ronzig. Digital Photo Artist and social activist, ex homeless addict in Toronto explores people and places from a unique perspective emphasizing the lifestyle of those forgotten members of our society whose suffering has been neglected for too long and compares their circumstances with the accepted norm. His art, photography and commentary provide an exceptional opportunity to understand social trends in Toronto at the outset of the 21st century.

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Need Emergency Shelter in Toronto?

Here are the emergency phone numbers for the City of Toronto. You can call any time.

416-338-4766 or 1-877-338-3398 (toll-free from a pay phone) Assessment and Referral Centre for single adults, youth and couples.

416-397-5637 Central Family Intake for families with children.

• Emergency help lines in Toronto

• Guide for services to homeless people in Toronto

  I have recently joined the Recession Relief Coalition 

Check it out

Mission Statement

To document the impact of the recession and generate public support to keep all levels of government accountable by ensuring that the needs of those suffering from the effects of the recession are addressed and communities are strengthened.

Not an accident. Not a problem. Homelessness is a political agenda.

Why else would there be so many homeless people in the richest country that ever existed on the face of this planet.

In the forties I was born.

In the fifties I was a student.

In the sixties I was a nomadic hippie.

In the seventies I was a millionaire and real estate broker.

In the eighties I was an owner of a recycling company with a 23000 square foot factory and a fleet of trucks.

In the nineties I was a homeless person.

In the new millennium I am a writer, social activist, documentary video maker and photoArtist.

I have always chosen to be a free man.

Freedom is not automatic. If a person does not choose freedom and face the difficulties of that choice he will automatically become a slave to whatever political/economic system he lives under.

By choosing freedom, he will live his life as an outcast, despised and envied by the majority who lack the courage to choose freedom and/or the wisdom to recognize the choices.

Fear vs. Certainty

I learned early in life the material possessions can become a trap. The more you have, the more you want and the more space they take out of your life. With each possession you acquire you give up a small piece of your FREEDOM especially if you purchase these THINGS on credit. As you accumulate THINGS, you accumulate debt and the responsibility to provide a place to keep them and labour to maintain them.  The temptation to cling to what you have and seek ever more is part of the brainwashing of the conspicuous consumer society we live in today, but it only takes a small act of courage to break free.

Many years ago I found myself unhappy in my circumstances. I wondered if I could JUST WALK AWAY. It struck me that I was young and strong and healthy. Why not, I thought?

One Monday morning I woke up and got ready to go to work. I walked to the subway station and instead of heading downtown; I spontaneously reversed direction and went to the end of the line on my way out of town. I stuck out my thumb and was gone. What an incredible sense of release and FREEDOM I experienced! I spent the next 3 years on the road exploring the world and learning about myself and my brothers and sisters everywhere I went. I have to tell you that these were the best 3 years of my life up till then and still rate very high on the 63 year list. Once I learned that I could just walk away there has never been a cage for me. I’ve been a Free Man ever since.

Why Activism?

I’ve been getting so many emails lately that they sometimes overwhelm me. I've pretty much stopped showing my art now because my activism is demanding more and more of my time and with the economic meltdown well underway, things are getting to a critical point where informed activism has never been more important. The hard part is trying to keep informed when I'm inundated with dozens of emails with links to stories and events every day. I just can't keep up with it all. I don't listen to radio or watch television or read elitist newspapers because most of the news that comes via those channels is merely propaganda and is irrelevant. I admit that I do read the headlines in the paper boxes now and then to get a feel for what the press deems important, which is usually something totally inconsequential such as who won some sports event or what some movie star is up to. Sometimes they report the party line about the many Imperialist wars that keep the arms industry booming even in an economic downturn. Or they report about what some "terrorist" organization is up to. When you look into all these stories about war and terrorism and take the time to really learn the facts, most terrorists are merely Freedom Fighters trying to help their people break free from the elitist stranglehold that claims the whole world should be FORCED into economic slavery to make these people even more rich and powerful and most wars are merely elitist grabs for the land and resources of other peoples' homelands. The more effort I put into digging out the facts that are relevant in this mixed up world where propaganda rules, the more fearful I become that we are doomed. Yet I MUST fight on and do what little I am capable of to help move the direction of events onto a course that will lead to peace, freedom, justice and security for every person on the planet, not just the elite.

What I stand for

Are you worried about losing your job? Have you lost it already? Is your Employment Insurance running out? What’s going to happen to you when it does? Are your options running out? Is it fair? How do you feel?

I stand for Security, Freedom, Justice and Dignity for all in a society where these ideals are becoming non existent and I want you to know what you can do to regain yours.

First, you need to realize that you are not alone. We’re all in this together. Millions of people worldwide are in exactly the same predicament and it’s not their fault any more than it’s yours.

Go to Recession Relief Coalition to learn more.

About God

I have been a visitor on this planet called Earth for 63 years now and most that time I have been involved in a search for what the Christians call God. Now I can not define God, but I am certain that the Creator as envisioned in the majority of humanity’s religious doctrines although called by different names is in fact the same entity.

Since early childhood, until relatively recently, I have been unsuccessfully involved in a search for God, (which is the name I will use in this discussion for lack of a better word.) Again, I find it strange that the English language has no pronoun that can accurately reflect my concept of who/what He/She/It is, for I don not believe that God has a gender and I don’t believe God is a sexual creature at all, but also the pronoun, it, falls far short of the mark when attempting to communicate the entity or concept or whatever you may choose to call Him, (which is the pronoun that I will use in this discussion again for lack of a better word.)

I say until recently, because it was only a little over 5 years ago that I was able to feel a close personal relationship with Him.

I’d like to explain how this occurred, but in order to set the stage; so to speak, I should relate a few of the events that led to my newly acknowledged association.

During the period that these events were taking place, I was a homeless alcoholic and crack addict, but even in my diminished state of consciousness, I began to recognize a sustaining pattern that became undeniable. For example, one day I was walking along the sidewalk near King St and Spadina Av and the sole came loose from my running shoe. I recall thinking to myself that I would have to try to replace my shoes soon as I continued on my way. Before I reached the next corner, something that I am convinced was a miracle occurred. To my astonishment, a brand new pair of shoes, my size and still in the box they came in was sitting on the sidewalk waiting for me. At the time, I did not view it as a miracle, but I will explain later. A little earlier, as I was walking along the sidewalk near Strachan Av and Queen St I came to the realization that the weather had gotten significantly colder that day. Since at the time I had only one blanket to keep me warm at night I remember thinking that I would need a sleeping bag soon. Once again, before I reached the next corner a kind young man approached me and without asking if I needed it, handed me a new sleeping bag. Not so miraculous perhaps, but still… The previous year, on a day when the season shifted into much colder weather, I came to the conclusion that I would need a warm coat soon. There is an ally near King St and Spadina Av where I used to sleep and as I turned into it, I found a nice warm down filled coat laying on a ledge behind one of the old buildings that backed onto the lane.

Now you may think that these few examples of the many miracles that occurred to help me survive my homelessness are only mere coincidence. Possibly, but how does one explain the fact that each of these and the ones I will relate shortly occurred within less than a minute of my thinking of my need?

Now for the most wonderful part; not only were my personal requirements immediately seen to on these and many more occasions, but other people in need were helped with my direct involvement as a conduit if you will. For example, I was at the Scott Mission one evening, waiting for the film they were showing to come on when another homeless person I had just met asked me where he could get a sleeping bag. I replied that I didn’t know and decided to go out for a smoke before the film started. While I was outside smoking my cigarette, a fellow walked up to me and without asking if I needed it, handed me a sleeping bag. Imagine my new friend’s surprise when I handed him his new sleeping bag less than 5 minutes after he mentioned his need! Not so miraculous, you say, but consider this, in the 10 years that I was homeless, only twice were sleeping bags given to me and each of them within a minute of my sensing the need. But I had not considered these events miraculous myself at the time.

How about this? Panhandlers have their spots where they work and each of these locations has a priority of who can work there based on seniority. The person who has worked the place longest has the right to ask anyone else who is working the site to leave if he needs to work. One of my places was the corner of Front St and Spadina Av. One day I arrived there and a young girl was working. Before I asked her to move, I asked her how she was doing. She told me she had been there more than an hour and had less than a dollar. Feeling sorry for her because I knew that she was a fellow addict and needed $20.00 dollars to get well, I told her that I would wait a few minutes and she could keep working. I told her that she would soon have $20.00. Less than a minute later someone gave her a twenty dollar bill and she was able to call her dealer. You might argue that God would not facilitate an addict buying drugs, but I put it to you that an addict when in need of drugs suffers tremendously and God in His mercy will often relieve suffering even when we bring it upon ourselves.

None of the aforementioned events were accredited by me as miracles at the time, but as I began to contemplate these and many more instances of coincidence that had been occurring in my life on the streets, I began to realize that there were far too many and they were far too urgent to dismiss as mere coincidence. Something amazing was happening and upon further reflection it came to me that none of these occurrences were chance; someone or something powerful was at work here! It could only be God, for no other explanation was conceivable. From the moment of that realization, my life has been irrevocably altered for the better. It took quite a while, but I was able to quit drugs and alcohol and I got off the streets and into a nice apartment. I began doing my art and working in advocacy and dedicating my life to attempting to make the world a better place for all.

Now, I have come to a new understanding. Since moving into my new home and getting clean and sober, there are very few miracles such as I have mentioned in my life. I began to wonder if God had left me until I realized that the lack of miracles is directly related to my new circumstances. My need for divine intervention has diminished and miracles are no longer an urgent necessity to my survival. I am confident that God is still watching over me, but He is pleased to be able to allow me to fend for myself in the knowledge that I can.

To those who don’t believe in miracles, I say, that it is not evidence of non existence that you do not experience miracles for two reasons; first when they do occur, people tend to write them off as coincidence and second, in our affluent society the need is not often there. Others have far greater need than us and deserve all of God’s attention when we are capable of looking after ourselves.

I used to be a successful and wealthy businessman, but I was homeless for 10 years. Before that, I was the owner of 2 Century 21 Real Estate offices with 100 employees. I had recently received an award for having the third highest sales volume for all of Century 21 of Canada and I was doing small real estate developments when I met Marlene and fell in love.

She introduced me to crack cocaine and that was the beginning of my downfall. At the time, I had been considering running for the Mayor’s office in East York, but my new lifestyle precluded that. Within 2 years of my first taste of crack, I was bankrupt and living on welfare. Once my money was gone, so was Marlene.

It took 8 more years of constantly downgrading my living conditions before I finally hit the streets.

At first, I tried living in a shelter, but the conditions were unacceptable. I was not willing to submit to a system which required me to sleep only during a specific time period and eat only what was provided and only at specific times which did not correspond to the dictates of my appetite. After breakfast each morning, we were thrown out regardless of weather conditions and not allowed back until lunch. After lunch we were sent back to the streets until supper. If we did not return by a specific time, we lost our bed to someone else and our possessions were put in a garbage bag and left on the floor for anyone to ransack. If they were not claimed within a few days, they were thrown into the garbage. The worst thing was sleeping in a room with 50 other men in beds only a few feet apart. Can you imagine trying to sleep with the sounds of 50 men talking, laughing, crying, coughing and farting as a constant background, or my concerns about catching their diseases or bugs? Even in jail the maximum is 2 people sleeping in cots in a cell with a third forced to sleep on the floor with his head inches from a toilet. It only took a few days to choose the relative freedom of the streets.

I moved out and found an empty garage for shelter shortly before Christmas during the worst winter Toronto had seen for 50 years.

Thus began 10 years of locating a place to shelter me from the elements and store my possessions only to be found within a short time and forced to move along.

On one occasion, I watched a sergeant from 14 division souse my squat and all my possessions with gasoline and set it on fire. Not only was I a witness to this arson, but there was an additional eyewitness. I went to a legal clinic and they helped me to lodge a complaint against the officer in question. Nearly a year passed with nothing happening and I was finally notified that the complaint had been investigated and no grounds were found to pursue the matter. I was amazed since they did not interview me or the other eyewitness. So much for my rights. It was clear that I had no human rights because I was judged less than human.

During the 10 years I was on the streets, welfare for homeless singles, which was euphemistically renamed “Ontario Works” was set at $195.00 per month and this was raised to about $200.00 per month only a couple of years ago. Obviously, a person can not survive on such a meagre amount, so I began panhandling to supplement my income.

Eventually I tried squeegeeing cars for money, but I wasn’t very good at it, so I invented panhandling cars with a cup. This worked well for me and allowed me to support myself and my addiction without turning to violent crime, but the government in its efforts to criminalize poverty passed the Safe Streets Act making it illegal. At first the penalty was a ticket, but recently, an immediate jail sentence has been imposed.

I remember a few years back, I was working by the streetcar tracks at the corner of Spadina and the Lakeshore when 3 bicycle cops stopped to give me a ticket. The first cop asked, “Why don’t you do something useful with your life?” My immediate reply was, “I’ve provided over 2000 man years of employment in this city. What have you done?” At that moment, a streetcar came along and the black cop said he was going to throw me in front of it. I grabbed him by his jacket and as I began to pull him with me in front of the streetcar, I said, “Go ahead, I’ll take you with me.” That shut him up. The third cop took me over to the sidewalk and after talking with me for a few minutes; he gave me a toonie and left with his partners. My parting words were, “You’re OK, but how can you stand working with those two jerks who were right beside him.” His reply was, “You gotta do what you gotta do.”

A few years ago, two cops threw a friend of mine off the railway overpass at Spadina and Front. He sustained multiple fractures in both legs. Lucky he didn’t die.

The greedy bastard dealers fill their drugs with all kinds of cut so you can’t even get a good high. Some of the crap they fill it with will make you sick or even kill you. They don’t give a damn. It’s not as if the customers can complain to the Better Business Bureau. One of my friends was late paying his debt to one of them and the bastard almost killed him. He beat him with a steel pipe. The poor guy had over 100 stitches in his head.

The cops don’t give a damn. I’ve seen deals go down right in front of the cops and they just ignore it. If a dealer gets caught he’s back on the street and dealing right away. If he gets convicted, he gets a slap on the wrist and the drug bosses promote him to a higher volume set up. It’s all organized. If an independent starts up, the connected dealers give him up to the cops so they can look like they’re doing something, but all that does is keep the competition out of the connected dealers’ territories. Meanwhile the official policy of the police force is to ignore the street dealers and go after the big guys. And everyone knows that the big guys are protected. They spend a fortune buying cops, judges and politicians.

If they really wanted to stop crack from destroying people’s lives the first thing they should do is bust all the street dealers. If they were taken off the streets and refused bail and when convicted given long sentences, the message would be clear to all the punks that think killing people with drugs is an easy way to make a living. Sentences should be the same as for premeditated murder because that’s just what it is. If you remove easy access to the drugs, less people would be trying them and rehab programs could really work. Right now, over 90% of the addicts that go through a program go right back to using, but I’ll tell you more about that later. Instead of that, the system makes the victims of the crime the target and jails addicts.

The larger benefit of getting rid of the street dealers is that without a distribution network, the drug barons wouldn’t be able to get their product to market. Can you imagine how fast our ghettos would be reclaimed by honest people if the street dealers were gone?

I often went days without eating or sleeping. Once I smoke, I can’t eat. I’d roll a joint to give me an appetite. Without grass, I’d probably have died of malnutrition. I weighed less than 100 pounds when I was homeless.

The booze and the grass would slow my heart down when I’m smoking crack or I’d die of a heart attack. Sometimes I’d need to take a Valium to ease the stress on my heart. When I was on a run, I usually went 5 to 7 days without sleep and with only a little food. I never really got to sleep. I just kept going until I blacked out from sleep deprivation. Then I’d rest for a couple of days and eat like a pig and then it was time for another run.

I never really slept. If I wasn’t high or trying to find a way to get high, I was probably blacked out. If I didn’t get to my squat before I ran out of strength, I had to worry about being rousted by the cops or attacked by some fool who thought it was fun to beat up homeless people. I forgot how to sleep and still suffer from a sleep disorder. I rarely sleep more than one or two hours at a time.

I lived for a little over 2 years in a shack I built down by Old Fort York. It was well hidden in a group of trees and I added camouflage netting and tree branches to help obscure it. It was great. I had a sliding picture window, a roof deck, a bar BQ and a garden. I had a cook stove and lantern that ran off a propane tank. The lantern gave off enough heat to keep me warm in the winter. The police eventually found it and had it bulldozed, but I still have a couple of pictures here.

There is one from the outside, showing an outreach worker, friend of mine who had come to make sure I was all right and one from New Years Eve 2002. A friend and his dog were sharing a beer with me and his girlfriend took the picture. I almost died there one night. I’d been on a 7 day run and I blacked out on top of a lit candle. Luckily, the temperature was 25 below Zero and I was wearing 7 layers of clothes. I woke up when the flames’ which had totally engulfed me, had completely destroyed the outer layers and finally reached my skin. I put the flames out and blacked out again. When I came too, 40 hours later, I thought it had been a dream until I saw that my clothing was in ashes. I still had over a hundred dollars worth of crack when I blacked out so I smoked it and went on a 4 day run.”

When you live on the street, if you leave food out, it attracts raccoons and rats and once they find you they’re almost impossible to get rid of.

Kids can be a real problem. They throw stones at me and one night they set my shack on fire while I was sleeping inside. Luckily I smelled the smoke and woke up in time to put the fire out.

You know, crack is so fucked up. I had been trying to quit ever since I realized that I had become an addict, but I never made it more than 2 weeks. Every addict knows that it’s stealing his humanity and destroying his body, but hardly anyone succeeds in kicking it. 20 years ago, when I became an addict, we didn’t know how bad the stuff was. We thought it was like smoking a little grass. You know; something to share with your friends at a party. My friends and I would get together on Friday nights and smoke some rock to get in the party mood, but it didn’t take long before we were smoking on Saturdays too. Then it was one night through the week and before long it was every day and every night. I was the first one to realize that we’d become addicts. We were all successful businessmen. Most of us owned our own companies and had several employees, so when I told my friends that I thought we were addicts they all laughed. I told them that if any of them could go a full week without smoking I’d admit I was wrong, but none of us made it.

Anyhow, I had been trying to quit on and off ever since, but it feels so good that after a few days without it, I’d get to thinking about it and that was all I’d need to make the call. And if I managed to get past that stage I’d start having the physical withdrawals. Mainly pain, nausea and diarrhoea. The only way to feel better is to smoke some crack, so when I couldn’t stand being sick any longer, I’d get high. The dealers loved me because I was a chronic addict and they were getting rich at my expense, so if I didn’t contact them for a while, they’d come by and give me some free drugs to get me going again. I never had the strength to say no, even though I knew exactly what they were doing.

One reason rehab programs have such a low success rate is the simple fact that the only thing an addict knows is the drug culture. When he cuts himself off from drugs, he has to drop all contact with everyone he knows. He leaves behind a life with friends and routines and there is nothing there to replace it. He exists in a void and doesn’t even have a friend to talk about it with. I believe that is why Cocaine Anonymous is so popular. It gives the addict an anchor with people to talk to who are sharing the same problems. This is fine as a transitional support system, but it is just an extension of the drug culture. After all, everyone there is an addict. Most people just don’t realise that this is a transitional support and never get beyond it. If he can’t build a new life for himself outside the drug culture, the odds are that he will relapse. A rehab program that suggests that the addict endeavour to reclaim the life he had before drugs is doomed from the very beginning. If he was happy in his old life, he wouldn’t have become an addict in the first place. I believe that an emphasis on exploring the possibilities of a new life has the highest chance of success.

Another cause of relapse is monotony. The most dangerous times are those when boredom sets in. The mind will immediately begin seeking a means of overcoming the situation and doing some drugs is the first thing that the addict will think of. Rehab programs should encourage their patients to explore different plans to keep busy. A few are work, school, volunteerism or hobbies. Anything that keeps an addict occupied will help to prevent his mind from wandering into the dangerous territory of testing himself with “Just a little toke.” Deep in the addict’s subconscious is a trap. We all fool ourselves into thinking that once we have been clean for awhile; we can go back to being a casual user. Many addicts never get to the point of admitting the fact that you can’t be a part time addict. If you use even once, you will eventually revert to full time drug addiction.

At least during the first phase of rehabilitation it is important for him to avoid his old friends and haunts. The strongest of us will succumb to temptation if it is right there in our faces.

On the flip side, taking on too much all at once can lead to frustration and feelings of inadequacy which provide another road back into the abyss. I’ve learned all of this during my 20 years of addiction, both from personal experience and by observation of other addicts.

I used to break a $20.00 piece into 4 tokes and try to spread them out so that I have time to come down between each one. It’s hard to do because, once the initial rush wears off in a couple of minutes, there is an overwhelming compulsion to do another. If I didn’t resist that urge, I learned that I just didn’t get off on the next one and it’s too hard on my heart. There aren’t many crack addicts who live to my age. As you get older, you become more susceptible to strokes and heart attacks. I know younger people who put a whole $50.00 piece on their pipe at once. That would certainly kill me. I’ve heard of cops who when they catch someone smoking force them to smoke their whole piece at once, presumably in the hopes of causing an overdose death. I wonder if they have been the cause of some of the deaths on our streets.

In all my life, I’ve never seen death to the extent that it exists on the street. Every year, several people I knew I knew died out there, and many I didn’t know. Most of the deaths were totally preventable. The causes, exposure, violence, disease and drug overdoses all could be prevented by providing a decent home and realistic treatment. Being forced to live on the streets is a death sentence, imposed by the politicians who refuse to fund an adequate housing policy. A homeless person gets worn down until he finally succumbs to a premature death. It’s disgraceful that in the richest society that has ever existed on the face of the Earth, we should have a political policy that forces people out of their home to die on the streets. Although addiction is a major contributor to homelessness, the number one culprit is our government. We live in a society where a person who works at a full time job at minimum wage can not afford to pay his rent and a person who is unfortunate enough to have to rely on social assistance is guaranteed a sentence of extended homelessness followed by death. More people become homeless for economic reasons than all the others together; and this while the average upper middle class income is several hundred thousand dollars per year. A single homeless person on welfare receives less than $3,000.00 annually. Where is the justice in this? I’d love to see the politicians responsible for this policy try to survive on such a pittance. But no, they believe that they are better then the rest of us. They recently gave themselves a 25% raise, but there’s no money in the budget to allow the people at the bottom to afford a home let alone a modicum of self respect. Come to think of it, when did we start allowing the politicians to set their own salaries? Don’t they work for us? I don’t know of any other job where a person gets hired on a virtually irrevocable 4 year contract and can then tell the boss how much salary he must receive, even if he doesn’t show up for work half the time. I guess I really should have run for mayor.

I’ve said quite a bit about the bad cops we have to contend with, but there are lots of really good cops too. I’ve had them give me money, food and clothing. They have come by my squat in extreme cold weather to be sure I’m OK. They’ve been lenient with me when they have caught me getting high. I just want you to know that the majority are OK. The problem is that we tend to tar them all with the same brush. When one of them beats one of us up or harasses us they all become the enemy. The reverse is also true. There lots of asshole addicts who bring it on themselves and on the rest of us, but most of us are just trying to survive and deal with our problems. Most of us try to remain as inconspicuous as possible, but it’s getting harder all the time because the authorities have been fencing off all the little hideaways where we go to sleep or do our drugs. When there is no place to hide, we are forced to do them in public places. I wonder which approach is better.

I rarely used the services that are available to homeless people. I learned how to take care of myself out there. I didn’t use the soup kitchens because it takes too much time to walk there and back and line up waiting to be served food that I usually didn’t like or that was bad and made me sick. I can make enough money in the same time to buy a meal of my choosing. They’re great for most of the homeless and serve a real need, but I’ve learned how to get along without them. I did use the food banks though. I cooked most of my meals in my squat. I’ve already told you why I wouldn’t use the shelters even if I was freezing, but I did use the showers and have a coffee with my friends while doing my laundry at The Meeting Place, which is a drop in centre at Bathurst and Queen.

I never participate in protests. I believe they do more harm than good. I can’t imagine politicians or citizens being convinced to have sympathy for a crowd of rabble, bent on disrupting their lives. Protests only serve to stroke the egos of the activists. I think that if people can gain a better understanding of us, they may be more inclined to take some action to make our lives a little less hazardous. That’s why I’m sharing these thoughts.

There’s one thing about being homeless; you have lots of time to think about these things. What I find most offensive is being treated like something less than human by some of the people I ask to help me with a little change. If they only realized how quickly they or someone they love could find themselves out here with us. How many of them could maintain their high standards if they suddenly became unable to work due to illness or loss of employment? The social assistance program was designed as a safety net to prevent this tragedy, but greedy politicians have gutted it so they could balance the budget on the backs of the poorest people in our society. You’ll have to forgive me if I sound bitter, but I was paying in excess of $30,000.00 per month in taxes to our government and this is what I have to show for it. As hard as I try to find a way to justify it, there just isn’t one. How can our society justify condemning us to die on the streets like we were in some third world country? You’d think we were in the middle of a depression instead of the longest lasting economic boom in modern history.

When you’ve been out on the streets long enough, you begin to believe that you deserve to be treated like a throw away person. It’s hard to hang on to your self respect when you’re forced to beg for a living and eat other peoples’ garbage.

Recovering addicts require constant affirmation from people they respect while they’re struggling to rebuild their self esteem. To fully reclaim a lost soul and prevent a relapse, regular visits with a follow up councillor should continue for a couple of years. Initially, this should include a weekly home visit as well as a visit to the councillor’s office. The frequency should be gradually reduced over a 2 year period according to the councillor’s assessment of need. During this period the addict should be encouraged to pursue a pattern of growth in all aspects of his life with the aim of establishing a feeling of self worth through an ongoing series of accomplishments with affirmation of each. This may seem a high price to pay to properly rehabilitate an individual, but the end result would be a far greater success rate in rehabilitation efforts and the return of a productive member of society for a lifetime. This seems much wiser to me when the alternative is to write off all the years of investment our society puts into raising a child from birth through school and into the labor force. Economically it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever to write this investment off when a little further investment would have a high probability of his successfully returning to the work force. After spending years as a social outcast, an addict needs time and guidance if he is to rebuild a life within society. Wouldn’t that be better than the current cynical policy of denying us enough assistance to survive on and quietly doing everything possible to make our lives miserable?

On March 2, 2005, I decided I’d had enough of trying to quit drugs without help. I called an outreach worker friend of mine and asked her to help me get into St. Michael’s Detox Centre. That was the last time I did any street drugs of drank any alcohol. I spent 6 weeks at the detox centre, going through cold turkey withdrawal, resting, eating, attending their in-house rehabilitation meetings and generally getting healthy in body and mind. The only drugs I have used since then are cigarettes and non narcotic pain medication for my arthritis.

When I left the detox, I moved into a halfway house for recovering addicts. While I was there, I attended weekly outpatient rehab interviews at the Salvation Army Harbour Light Centre.

While I was at the halfway house, I upgraded my application for assisted housing. I had been on a waiting list for several years and still had years to wait, but because I was a senior by then, I qualified for housing in a seniors’ building. The apartment I live in became available in a few months and I moved here October 1, 2005.

None of this could have happened today. The government has closed down some of the detox centres and reduced the amount of time a person can stay to less than a week. No addict can prepare for a new life without drugs in such a short time, so there is no hope now. Even if he is lucky enough to get one of the few remaining spots in a detox centre, he will be sent back into the same old life within a week. No matter how much he wants to quit, there is no chance. Just more evidence of the government’s determination to condemn addicts to a life of desperation.

The kitchen in my apartment is smaller than I’d like, but everything works. I keep a good supply of food here. When I’m too sick to go out, I know I’ll have plenty to eat. I have a few medical problems which have strong negative effects on me, but the worst is Hepatitis C. I got it by sharing a needle one day. The majority of people on the streets eventually get it. It’s a silent epidemic that slowly kills you. It’s very hard to cure. The doctors give me a 40% chance of being cured if I go through a year of chemotherapy. I’ve been on a waiting list for a couple of years, but I’m beginning to believe that I’ll be dead before I get treated.

I have 2 hobbies, which help me to keep busy so I don’t start thinking of drugs. I like computers and I’m trying to learn how to build web sites. I can do pretty good at it, but I still have a lot to learn. Also, I enjoy digital photography. I’m getting pretty good at that too and I’ve developed a technique to enhance my images using half a dozen programs on my computer. The finished product is my artistic impression of the picture and I call it Digital photoArt. I donated 6 pictures to the OCAP art auction fundraiser and they sold them, so I guess people like my work. I trade some with other artists so that I’ll eventually have a pretty good art collection.

I made it! Others could too. Most addicts want to quit. All they need is a better system of support and rehabilitation for a large percentage of them to recover. And a safe place to call home.

Ronzig the Wizard prepares to close a black hole

Homeless people are not problems, but people with problems.

During my ten years as a homeless person in Toronto, I became known as Pops because of my age and the fact that I took a fatherly interest in helping the young people out there who didn’t know how to survive on the streets.

My story isn’t new.  It’s common knowledge that a large proportion of homeless people are substance abusers. Even if they weren’t addicts or alcoholics before they wound up on the streets, the suffering of that kind of life is more than enough to force a person to seek solace in drugs. Besides, once you’re on the streets, there’s nothing left to lose.

When the safety net of social assistance is inadequate to prevent an economic slide into homelessness, for people who loose the power to support themselves, the next level down is frequently addiction. Preventing an individual from becoming homeless by providing a realistic level of financial assistance would be far less expensive than dealing with the social costs of adding another homeless addict to the population. A social policy which only allows under $350.00 per month for rent in a city where the basest of rooms cost $450.00 per month is a policy engineered to deliberately create homelessness (it is almost impossible to prove intent). But that is the reason for assisted housing isn’t it?  Theoretically it is, but the reality is that there is a TEN YEAR WAITING LIST for assisted housing and there is no place to go but a shelter or the streets while you’re waiting, so don’t lose your job or get sick, or you’ll be out here too.

“So let them get a job,” you might say. Perhaps the self righteous people who think like that would change their tunes if they had to seek employment when they haven’t been able to eat or groom themselves properly. Even if they had a resume, they don’t have a phone to receive a call from an interested employer, they don’t even have a practical means to receive mail.

But can’t they do all that if they stay in a shelter? Shelters have been running at an official capacity of 90% for years. What this average translates to is that during times of low usage, i.e. when weather conditions allow a person to sleep outside without risk of death by exposure, shelters are running at near peak capacity and during times of high usage, i.e. when weather conditions are life threatening, shelters are over capacity and are forced to turn people away, thereby placing lives in jeopardy. Also, shelters are designed for short visits as a transitional relief from the streets before moving into traditional housing, not a replacement for traditional housing. No matter what the politicians tell you. Shelters are not an adequate solution to the need for long term housing. (Do you want to consider the states of those who are now using the shelter system?

Toronto report card on homelessness www.toronto.ca/homelessness/pdf/reportcard2003.pdf

552,000 people or a quarter of Toronto’s population still live in poverty

From 2000 to 2002 only 3% of new housing was for rental units 873 units compared to 97% for the home ownership market 28,402

Toronto rents rose by 31% between 1997 and 2002

In 2006, only 20% of private rental apartments rent for less than $800 a month

More than 25% of tenants in Toronto have annual incomes below $20,000

More than 250,000 tenants spent more than 30% of their income on rent 20% paid more than 50% of their income.

The social housing waiting list stood at 71,000 households in 2006

31,985 different people stayed in Toronto’s emergency shelters in 2002 4,779 were children.

www.toronto.ca/housing/pdf/shelter_standards.pdf

One toilet for every 15 residents up to the first 100 residents, and one toilet for every 30 residents thereafter (urinals may replace up to half the number of required toilets.

One shower for every 20 residents.

Section 6.1 states

It is important to provide a minimum amount of space per person in the sleeping area, to decrease the potential spread of illness to enhance personal security and to decrease altercations resulting from a lack of personal space.  To meet these goals, the sleeping area will provide 3.5 square meters (37.7) square feet per person.

For safety reasons, for example in the event of an evacuation, a separation of 2.5 feet between the edge of the beds (bunks or mats) must be maintained.

A shelter is a place where as many as fifty people sleep in the same room in beds that are only a few feet apart and often in bunk beds to cram more people into every square foot of space. Most shelters are plagued with bed bugs and other vermin and communicable diseases such as tuberculosis find these places excellent breeding grounds, as is proven by recent outbreaks. If you are able to get to sleep in the midst of the vermin, odours, diseases and the sounds of fifty people coughing, snoring and farting, you have to do it with one eye open or you’ll wake up to find that your shoes, clothing and possessions have been stolen. You won’t be allowed to sleep in if you’re not feeling well and you won’t be allowed to retire early enough to get a restful night’s sleep.

To make matters worse, an inmate of such a place will lose the right to sleep there if just once he doesn’t come home and his possessions will be disposed of making shelters a form of house arrest. Just surviving under these circumstances takes all of a person’s strength. How can a person be expected to maintain a little human dignity under these conditions? Even in jail the conditions are less crowded and more sanitary. Is it any wonder that people prefer taking their chances on the streets?

There are other causes of homelessness. Perhaps the most tragic and disgraceful fact about homelessness, is that a very large percentage of the homeless are sufferers with mental health issues. It’s unconscionable that our society discards people who are incapable of looking after themselves in this fashion. One of the symbols of a civilized society is how we care for the infirm. In Ontario, we throw them into the streets to face violence, disease, exposure and premature death, so don’t become a mental health sufferer.

Having available housing is only half the problem. A majority of people who are homeless are not capable of handling their own finances. There isn’t a drug addict alive who won’t, when faced with a choice between paying the rent or getting the drugs he needs, choose the drugs. This fact alone creates a revolving door approach to homelessness. An addict on social assistance spends his rent money on drugs. The landlord takes him to court for non payment of rent and the addict is evicted at great expense to society. Because he now has nowhere to keep his things, he loses everything but the clothes on his back and wanders the streets. After a period of time, perhaps years, an outreach worker for one of the agencies that are funded by tax money manages to find the addict another place to live. Because he has no possessions, social services gives him start up money to get the things he needs.

You don’t have to be an addict to spend your rent money and get evicted. People with minimal mental disabilities and even people with no other problem except an inability to handle money wind up getting evicted because they spent their rent money. It may be dumb. It may be irresponsible, but do they deserve to be thrown onto the streets, to face an early death?

There is a simple solution to this problem. If a social assistance recipient receives an eviction notice, a social services worker should be assigned to assess the problem. If the eviction is the result of the person being incapable of handling his own finances due to mental disability, substance abuse, or a simple inability to handle money, social assistance should pay the lost rent provided that the tenant signs an irrevocable authority for all future rent to be paid directly to the landlord. This would prevent the tenant from becoming homeless with all of the social and financial costs that result. The human rights advocates would be prevented from arguing that the tenant’s rights are being trampled, because he has signed this agreement in lieu of being evicted and the money that was paid to the landlord could be considered a loan. If the money is repaid, the agreement would become void.

After nearly twenty years of crack addiction, ten of them on the streets of Toronto, I was finally able to overcome my drug and alcohol problem. I took my last drink and smoked my last toke of crack On March 2, 2005. I called my favourite outreach workers, Vicki and Toby, of Central Neighbourhood House and told them I felt it was time to quit drugs. They came and picked me up and drove me to St. Michael’s Detox Centre where I signed myself in. I remained there for six weeks while undergoing in house counselling and regaining my health. From there, I was able to gain acceptance to a halfway house for recovering substance abusers. While I was in the half way house, I attended a weekly drug counselling session as an out patient with the Salvation Army’s Harbour Light Centre. Once I completed this three month program, I was fortunate enough to be accepted into the seniors building where I now reside in a bachelor apartment with rent geared to income. There are two reasons why I didn’t wind up back on the streets instead of here. First, I turned 59 years old and became eligible for seniors’ housing which has a shorter waiting list than regular housing.

Second I qualified for Ontario Disability Support Program because of the infirmities I acquired as a result of ten years as a homeless addict, i.e. acute rheumatoid arthritis, emphysema and Hepatitis C. This second fact doubled my disposable income, making it possible for me to live in modest comfort.

Without both of these occurrences, it would have been economically impossible for me to maintain a home and I would have been back on the streets.

It is important to note that since I was in the detox centre, the government, in spite of ever increasing numbers of addicts in our society, had slashed funding to drug rehabilitation and detoxification programs with the result that close to half of the detox beds have been closed and at St. Mikes Detox, the maximum stay is only a few short days. The daily counselling sessions that I found so valuable at St. Mikes has also been eliminated. Under the new funding regulations, I would never have been able to beat the street and would still be a homeless addict.

The public has several misconceptions about homelessness and the people who are afflicted with it. This is my contribution toward clearing them up.

Along with my own comments and experiences, I will portray the stories of other people who have been homeless and beat the streets as well as several who remain homeless to this day. It is my hope that a better understanding of the problem and its causes, will lead to a more humane approach to finding a solution.

Although many homeless advocates fear that the lower than expected results of Toronto’s homeless census will lead to a drop in the 220 million dollars that all three levels of government spend on the cities homeless problem. One thing is painfully clear the City of Toronto is failing its homeless population.

When city politicians such as Rob Ford argue that “homeless people simply get a job, just as he did”, one has to question whether there is any will power to do anything lasting or meaningful about the problem. The municipal response to the homeless crisis is designed to address only the visible element of those with little other choice than live on the streets.

Consider Toronto’s infamous tent city, which was torn down after it became politically embarrassing to have a third world shanty town in a model city of the new economy.

Homeless people are continually being forced into a situation where they are ever more evident in the city. This is not by their choice. When possible they will remain invisible, but hiding places are being eliminated at an alarming rate. Condominiums are being built on every available piece of vacant land, vacant buildings are being demolished or renovated and the city has embarked on a campaign to fence off every little nook and cranny where a homeless person can sleep and remain innocuous. With no place to hide, they are being forced to sleep in parks and on the streets, thereby exacerbating the situation. Most of the policies which the city has implemented to counter homelessness have been designed to make the life of the homeless person even more difficult, with the result that a confrontational atmosphere is developing. Most recently in 2006 city Councillor Jane Pitfield went one step further in her attempt to pass her quality of life by-law. Introduced after Michael Thompson was assaulted by a homeless man described as an overly aggressive panhandler who refused to take no for an answer. This by-law would have made it illegal for the city’s homeless to interfere with someone’s enjoyment of the city by pan-handling or through sleeping on the streets. The inevitable consequence of the current official policies toward homelessness is an ever increasing atmosphere of mistrust and animosity between the homeless community and the traditional community which will inevitably lead to escalating levels of violence on both sides. Now is the time to change our approach to the problem before our streets become a war zone like so many American cities.

Arguing in the defence of her position that panhandlers have become a scourge on the city that has driven away American and foreign tourists.

As the co-chair of Toronto’s homeless action committee one has to ask whose quality of life these by-laws were meant to ensure.

Some numbers from 2006

I am told that the city pays around $300.00 per night for each bed in a shelter. A private room in a rooming house only costs $15.00 per night if you take the $450.00 per month figure and divide by 30 nights.

Or to spend a night at a super 8 motel $73.61 US per night.

Holiday Inn $130.30

Sheraton Centre Hotel $235.00

Both hotels give you a queen sized bed with your own bath room television telephone, a key, privacy the right to come and go when ever you like.

The Provincial Government, City Council and the bureaucrats who serve them can not be trusted to take an honest approach to the problem. This is exemplified by the fact that these people ALL denied that the 2006 Street Needs Assessment was nothing more than a means to put forward a preconceived and totally inaccurate number of homeless people so that funding and services to these people could be cut according to plan. The proof of the lie comes with the closing of several shelters and detox centres over recent years. During the few hours that the census had taken place, on only one night and covering only selected areas of the city, the census takers actually encountered 4629 homeless people, and actually interviewed 1966 of them. Obviously it was impossible to encounter each and every homeless person in the city with such a limited endeavour, yet the result of this is a guess that there are only 5052 homeless people in the city. For that number to be accurate, the census takers would have had to encounter all but 323 of the homeless people in the city. This is ridiculous and totally impossible in view of the limited scope of the survey. According to an employee of the City of Toronto, “We know that over 26,000 different individuals stay in the shelter system over the course of one year.” That is about five times as many as the stated number from the census. It is clear that the city’s figures are not meant to be an accurate accounting, but are rather, a gross and deliberate under estimation for the sole purpose of providing an excuse to cut funding in this area. There can be no doubt that the number that the City now officially uses was pulled out of a hat long before the Assessment. The Assessment was only a $90,000.00 justification of this ridiculous number and the spending cuts that will follow.

By refusing to recognise the obvious, that homelessness is a symptom of the problem of inadequate social policies, not the problem, and by further exacerbating the situation by putting more and more pressure on homeless people to just go away, which can’t happen until we give them some place to go to, I fear that we are rapidly heading for a situation where the streets will become unsafe as anarchy begins to take over. Human beings will only be pushed so far before they push back!

Comments

Balance Sept 16/09

MY drae Ronzig,I am humbly awed by your sharing of your truthful and honest story,your intelligence and all you stand for.I have & am experiencing much similar only I too have overcome completly drug addiction on my own,with the loving humane caring patience of help of 40+yrs from my dear Husband Featherfire.I have always believed that anyone can write their life story,but without any visual photos or art works to show what your writing about too many people can choose not to be touched by it.With added art when a human being sees the immage like it or not this can never be ignored any book or story or writing can be thrown-out if it pushes ones comfort zones in combining with your digitial artwork people cannot help but to be touched by your sharing of your life's story.Why because once this visual immage is seen like it or not it can never be pushed away from their conscious mind.This is the only way in today,s society that people can truly get their stories understood as well as ignite the humane compasion man should have for one another.In this respect you are an inspirational first,an important precedent 4 yrs I have known this is the only way to truly educate & share with others one,s personal story.That is why writing,Art,Photography and music is my passion.You are an inspiration for me to keep on going and inspite of being forced to live with these same affects of choosing true personal freedom and living life with no human rights or justice in any way uplifts me towards having even more courage to keep my sights upon achieving the sharing of my and Featherfire,s story,s for the exact same purpose and reasonr you have done here.Yes my Brother understnd your whole blog as it is very difficult maintaining ones sels-esteem when continully hunded by the established order of the government and society that still see Featherfire and myself as such a threat that we bth are literal ethnic orphans nobody wants to know within our society & Government as well as our home America & Canada.Yes it is soul destroying being forced to be in such a situation we have a home,but we are forced to pay a huge rent for what everyone sees as a squat such is the condition of our house really in need of buldossing.In many ways we may be on the streets homeless as at least we would have friends to belong to!Someone to talk with!Share a coffee!Help eachother out s we bth dis when younger and living the same life as you describe here.Sadly this has even been denied us now,but your blog and by allowing me to share and read is for myself one of those miricles you talk of and I solely believe you as the exact same has been so for myself and Featherfire and in the same ways within moments of being conscious of the need.I also agree with your concept of god totally always have at some middle age point came to same conclusion.Humble thanks also for I was becomming embittered by the personal choice to live every aspect of life truly with freedom and you have educated me towrds the reason why we are still being treated the way we are.I am filled with a greater courage and inspiration towards continuing & maintaining my personal choice of true free living and facing the consquesnces,yet without bitterness my capacity to help in a larger capacity a was well known all over Australia is restored.Grateful thanks my Brother,light,joy,hope,justice,Love.Together yes we CAN SUCCEED!!!!
Balance

Thank you Balance, I’m so happy to have made contact with you and Featherfire. I pray that life will be kind to you.

Anonymous Sept 6/09

AWESOME PIECE of WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you. Hope it’s helpful.

Anonymous Sept 6/09

Hey Ronzig: I met you at the Storefront.  Great to see you here!!!

Thank you. Wish you had posted your name so I could tell who you are.

Jared Aug 28/09

Thanks for your feedback, I find it insightful.
You say donations may be wasted on a shelter system that is, if I may paraphrase, a corrupted disgrace. But are the shelters inherently corrupt, or are conditions disgraceful because of under funding? Could shelters be substantially improved without more money?
I am considering volunteering at a local church's Out of the Cold, because I have more time than money so it makes sense to volunteer instead of give, right now. What do you think about that idea?
I know that it won't be perfect; I know I can't save the world, but I have to try somehow.

I don’t believe under funding has anything to do with the inadequacies of the shelter system. All of the figures I have heard for the price the city pays a shelter for each occupied be per night  is more than enough to provide a large profit over and above any expenses they could incur. I am presently in the process of researching this and hope to have some verified figures soon. The problems are structural and will never be addressed under the current political climate.

Volunteering is really important and I encourage it for Out of the Cold and many other programs that are available through non governmental sources such as churches. Meal programs and outreach programs are other good places to volunteer and wherever you do volunteer, you will have the opportunity to meet and talk with homeless people. The communication aspect is a benefit that both you and the homeless people you meet will share. All my best wishes and thanks for caring.

Jared Aug 28/09

Should people give to panhandlers?
I ponder this question every day as I walk past panhandlers. I am a student, don't have a job right now, don't have much money just debt.
On the one hand, I feel like I shouldn't give away the change, because I don't have much myself.
Also, I feel like I should be helping, but that it would be better to give the money to an organization or a shelter or something, that that would be better long-term help than giving them change to buy more alcohol/drugs.
And, I also sometimes think that giving away change is just enforcing the cycle of dependency, that if people stopped giving them change, and panhandling didn't work, they would be forced to do something else more productive.
On the other hand, I do feel compassion for these human beings. I have so much, and others have so little. Maybe they'll buy alcohol/drugs, maybe not, but if I was on the street I would probably want to be intoxicated too.
Reading your website has made me feel even more sympathetic with the plight of the poorest of the poor, making it harder to ignore the guilt of walking past someone sitting in the street without helping them.  
So, Ronzig, do you think people should give to panhandlers? Should it only be rich people that give, or working poor and students too? When you give to a panhandler, are you really helping them, or just rewarding them for begging and enabling them to get high?
Thanks

Good Questions Jared.

First I’d like to speak to the question: should people who don’t have much give or should they leave it to the wealthy? From my experience over 10 years of relying on the generosity of the residents of Toronto, the people who can least afford it are the most generous. The wealthy tend to disassociate themselves from the needy at the personal level and prefer to deal with charitable activities such as black tie benefits which do more for the givers’ egos than for the needy. If we had to rely on the wealthy we’d be in real trouble. Of course it is the arrogant disassociative attitude of the majority of the elite that has created the crisis of homelessness in the first place. So yes it is important that people of modest means continue with their generous spirit.

Giving to an organization is an alternative, however, there are drawbacks. The shelter system is corrupt and your money would be misspent to support facilities that most homeless people and outreach workers agree are a disgrace. Furthermore there is a degree of satisfaction that comes with the personal contact of giving to a homeless person and perhaps offering a caring word of encouragement. To many of us, the connection with our regulars, (people who give routinely) is the only contact we have with society and it is valued almost as much as the money, for we are excluded so thoroughly that we feel totally outcast and alone. Also, to redirect your help to an organization in the belief that giving to a homeless person is only enabling him is a false misconception that the authorities have been using for a long time in their efforts to drive us out of their jurisdiction. Without addiction, a homeless person faces almost insurmountable obstacles to getting a job and rejoining society. An addict has no chance whatsoever unless he is one of the fortunate few who manage to clean up. He needs his drugs more than he needs a home or even food and certainly couldn’t hold down a job even is he could get one. Withholding your generosity on this basis will NOT force him to do something more productive. It will ONLY force him to resort to crime to survive.

Yes, a large portion of the money a homeless addict receives goes to support his addiction, however thanks to the kindness of people like yourself he manages to do that and still be able to buy the food and other necessities of life, so I absolutely support giving to homeless people and do so myself every time I go out.

It makes me feel good to be able to help.

Jared Aug 27/09

I was wondering, why do you think it is that the cops bust people asking for change near the skydome, but ignore the scalpers?
Could it be that there is prejudice in the system? Actually, Even though scalping is illegal, it is seen by many as a valid business whereas panhandling is not yet recognized as a trade. The cops don’t understand how important a public service it is to society. We make people feel good by allowing them to give us money. LOL

Anonymous Aug 27/09

Wow-you painted your life really clearly...I am glad you are here to share it with us; and although happy that you finally received proper help, am sorry that you had to reach 59 & sickness to finally be recognized. Although we have to count the blessings it is disgraceful that one has to go through so much first. I was mostly disgusted by the cops just burning your belongings & frightened at the naivety of children who could just as easily have become murderers the night they lit your place on fire :(
I don't believe in "coincidences"...there is a reason for me to be here today...just yesterday I went to a college to learn about the Addictions & Community Service workers program that they offer...and now I am here reading first-hand what you have experienced & hoping even more so that I get into the Second Career program so that I can one day be of help, and a positive influence, & hopefully a Voice to help get things turned around to help change the system :) I had a good job-I did get sick, I was taken care of, and then got hit by a car. I had to down-size too, as I could not do the stairs any longer in my building, & got rid of most of my belongings to fit my bachelor apt. With a dog, I almost went insane (not really but it did stress me out!) with the continuous humming sound from the generator outside the building, my ceiling dripping water every day, the floor peaked & it took months for them to fix either hole, there was construction for months, and every time my dog turned around something went flying lol and everything covered in fur or dust, not to mention the heat of the room, and every weekend in the winter the hot water was not in existence which I needed for my aching bones. Just when I thought I was going back to work and back to a regular pay check I found that my neighbour was evicted-which for me meant a normal sized apt. & scooped it up. 2 days later I was laid-off...I did have a choice to go back to work but for the time I had been recovering from the car tossing me my Dad had had a bad stroke in SK and was pretty much a vegetable in a long-term nursing home & after not being able to see him for 2 yrs. knowing this, I was anxious to go--I would not have had any sick days or vacation days for another 6months, plus still get needles for pain (at the time every weeks)...so I took the salary continuance package...sadly my dad died before I had enough $ to fly out to see him :(( So now I am in a big apt. which I have decorated from other peoples discards & either trying to find employment or funds for schooling myself....it is scary sh*t! knowing that come next spring I could very well be another number...as that is to me all we really are--a number...when it comes down to it, most people only truly care for themselves first... I know if I ended up on the streets I would likely be raped or murdered within days-I have been through much in life, but not in that street savvy way that you have-sad to think that they should maybe run education programs on how to survive the streets lol I befriended someone once who also chose to live on the streets instead of shelters & he to said it was safer out there, as in the shelters people steal your belongings and fight for them etc...I also knew a young guy who had a great job and was very much into fitness etc who also got sick and had to give up his job-I think he said they gave him $500/month total & told him find someone to live with--they don't care WHO or what happens to you :( that is wrong...my boyfriend is in a seniors home; he was lucky in that they decided to rent out to 45 & up, so he got in-but what will happen to me if I do not find something and soon, I do not know-as I am not 45 for a couple more years so don't even have the security in knowing I could live with him worse case scenario. I hope the best for you, for all your friends still out there, and that we can change things so that more and more people don't have to get sick first before they receive better support. XOXO GLD BLESS~

Thanks for writing. Sounds like you are enduring stress from all sides. I admire your strength and commitment to keep trying. “NEVER QUIT”

It might be worth speaking with a few of the organizations that do outreach work about your desire to find a way to take the courses you need to enter their field of work. They may be able to suggest other programs to help you finance the cost. I would suspect that there may be scholarships or bursaries or other financial assistance programs that could be helpful.

I wonder how the people who make the rules would react if they were told that the only alternative to becoming homeless is to take a stranger into your home to share the expense and crowd your space. In addition to the overcrowding it creates, the problem with sharing your accommodation with a stranger is the stress that comes from gambling that the stranger is not someone who will be abusive, who will not interfere with your life and privacy to such a degree that it becomes unendurable and who will actually pay their share of the rent on time and not cause you to be evicted. That officials would recommend sharing as a viable means of keeping a person’s home is intolerable.

Anonymous#6 June 25/09

Hello Ronzig:
I posted here a month ago; I am the former executive who is facing the possibility of homelessness. You took the time to reply with some very powerful advice and this is the update.
I know its long and I understand if it takes up too much space.
Your words were honest and real and exactly what I need to hear. You pointed out that I needed to take drastic steps and that “you should divest yourself of all the fancy trappings” of the corporate executive lifestyle that I had known for so many years and to “sell everything you can for whatever you can get for it”.
For several days I read that again and again. I didn't want to accept it. Sell all of my possessions? Divest myself?
My suburban home?
My fancy car?
My business attire?
Of course I could not make the payments and was getting further and further behind. I was in a fantasy world. I finally faced reality.
I realized that my entire self was wrapped up in my FORMER career and all the upper class status that went with it. But the career is over; I was a financial executive and that world is dead. With my wife and my “friends” gone, I was holding on to a “white collar executive” identity that is now gone.
So I finally realized I had to act on your advice or else become homeless. I stopped the house payments. The suburban house is no longer my home; it is now in foreclosure. I could not keep up the payments and now it is gone. I have found a furnished room in a very different neighbourhood, but I am no longer worried sick about making the payments.
My Porsche has been repossessed. Yes, I drove a Porsche! I could not make those payments either. I had enough cash to buy a 1988 used pickup. At least it runs.
And I found a few hours of work! The owner of the pick-up mentioned a job at a restaurant near where I used to live – as a part time dishwasher and janitor. I applied for the job, and got it. The irony is that I once brought clients there as an executive! Now I enter through the back door.
The owner didn’t recognize me in the tee shirt and the beard and the extra weight. Life has changed. But I am dealing with reality.
Before I moved, I had a sale of all my treasured possessions except a few basic items. All of the furniture that my wife did not take went for sale. I spread out everything on the front lawn: I had plenty of “fancy trappings”.
I sold my exercise equipment; my golf clubs; the paintings in the living room; the carper; my tuxedo and the patent leather shoes to go with it; my gold wristwatch; and my cufflinks. I sold every one of my business suits, every white shirt and every necktie; in fact, they went first. I even sold my leather briefcase, my woollen overcoat and my black dress socks! (Only white ones now) It was an odd experience selling my clothes.
As a final irony, my former garbage man came to the sale and bought every pair of those, perfectly-polished expensive Italian shoes I used to be so proud of. Every morning he would pick up the trash while I climbed into my Porsche in my suit, in two different worlds. Well, now he is literally walking in the shoes I once wore! What goes around comes around, I suppose.
So now I have a new blue collar identity. It doesn’t feel normal yet. When I first started mopping the floor in the restaurant, it seemed like I was dreaming. But I am keeping the beard and the ponytail I’ve grown as symbols of the new life. No more corporate haircuts for me.
I have bought canned goods, second hand overalls and boots and other used clothes and a few other things. I have enough to get by for now.
Thanks. Thanks. Thanks for your honesty and your generous attitude. Thanks.

Thank you for the update. You've made my day!

You're a survivor. It takes real courage to move forward in the face of catastrophe. Many won’t in this economic disaster, but you took the first steps necessary to create a new life before reaching the homelessness that will be the destiny of those who don’t take this recession seriously.

It’s important that you put aside whatever cash you were able to save as an emergency fund. You have to learn to live on whatever income you receive. As this recession deepens (I wonder when they’ll start calling it a depression) even the job you have been wise enough to acquire may become redundant and you need to be prepared for all possible contingencies. If I am wrong and the economy does turn around sooner rather than later, those funds will be your head start on rebuilding a prosperous life, not the same as the past one though, for you will have different values by then.

I like the pony tail. It tells me that you have a free spirit and that can never be lost.

Since your new job is part time, you might look into volunteering at one of the agencies that assist the poor. Become part of the community and you will find that life can be very rich indeed, even without a large income. Also, when these agencies require full time help, they prefer to hire from their volunteer base and with your qualifications you would be at the top of the list.

Good luck my friend. Walk tall and be happy. You have already taken the most important step by reclaiming a sense of purpose. With purpose, hope and action life can be wonderful even when it is hard. When I was a millionaire, I was not a happy human being. Strangely enough while I was homeless, I learned to be happy.

Please keep me updated on your progress. If others read your story, it may help them to take the necessary hard steps to ensure their survival.
Anonymous#9 June 12/09
The more I read the more amazing you are.  You are an extremely gifted individual.  You did not get back to me about your siblings or children.
You can see my responses right here in green.
Anonymous#9 June 12/09
I have a very hard time understanding why your family would not help you.  Something deep rooted.  Maybe jealous of your wealthy days.  Unacceptable.  Where are your siblings and parents now.  You mentioned you were a proud father.  What is their life like.
My father is remarried and avoids contact with us. I never knew my mother and my step mother is dead. My half brother is a jerk and my step brother is in no position to help, besides, I'm pretty independent and there's not much help that can be given to an addict until he decides to help himself, which I finally did. I haven't seen my son since he was 3. I went to court twice to get access and each time the judge granted me the right to have him every second weekend and one month each summer, but his mother, who introduced me to crack wouldn't obey the court orders and there are no enforcement procedures in place other than jailing her for contempt of court, which wasn't an option.
Anonymous#9 June 12/09
Read your very interesting story. Amazing. Do you have family and have they helped and supported you.
Thank you for reading. My family is not close. Haven't seen them in 15 years. Would never ask them for help when I already know the answer even though they never had to ask when they needed help. I just did it.

Anonymous#8 May 27/09

I read your entire blog and was very happy to read you kicked the habit and now have your own place. I am sure the adjustment to an apartment was a tough one. And I know about the Hep C battle as I lost my parents to it, at 54/56. My dad said it was the 60s catching up with them. It is disgusting that in Canada anyone should be forced to be homeless. If that is your lifestyle choice, cool - but not to have it forced on you. I refuse to buy into the bullshit that it is because the person made mistakes...last time I looked the government is doing a fine job of making ample mistakes. Hang in there...continue to tell your story and stay strong!

Thank you so much for your comment. I’m amazed. How long did it take you to get through the whole site?

I’m so sorry about your parents. The 60’s were a strange time. It was illegal to be in possession of a syringe back then.  Because I used one in my work I had a permit for one and dozens of us shared it daily. Lucky for us that AIDS hadn’t been invented yet. Thank God they now have Harm Reduction efforts in our society. We haven’t made much progress since the 60’s, but harm reduction is definitely one area where advancement has been successful.

I fully agree with you that every individual should be allowed the freedom of choice in his lifestyle and not be forced into society’s vision of an acceptable one.

Anonymous#7 May 13/09

awwwwww this is sad i now have a lot of respect for hobos

Thank you so much for your comment.  It pleases me when a visitor to my site says something like this. Your comments are what I use to evaluate my work. I will feel successful in my endeavours as long as I know that people’s opinions of the homeless situation are becoming more compassionate.

Anonymous#6 May 10/09

Hello Ronzig:
Your writing is an inspiration and has been a great help to me.
I am not too far from being homeless myself, and your positive attitude and honesty and hope are a real challenge for me.
I saw the title "from businessman to homeless" and I realized I was almost in the same situation. I lost my job as a corporate executive a year ago and my wife is gone now. I admit I have become depressed by the lack of response to my job hunting.
Your site is a wake up call. Few people wuld recognize me as the impeccably dressed corporate exec in the pinstriped suit, the silk tie and the polished Ferragamo shoes that I used to be.
I have gained 50 pounds - food is my thing - so my suits don't fit at all anymore - and have grown a beard. I spend too much time watching TV and go barefoot most of the time. If anyone had told me - who used to be so dapper - that I would go barefoot I would never have believed it.
I realize now I have been feeling sorry for myself and I have to get myself together. You have come through a lot more than me.
I may never put those Ferragamos back on my feet but I can apply for a job as a handyman or as deliveryman to keep my house. Pinstriped suit not needed! But at least it will pay, if I get it.
I've really been humbled. Jobs for excutives are hard to come by right now. I never thought I would be laid off or divorced - but I am not going to let it destroy me.
thanks for the inspiration.

Thank you so much for your comment. Far too many people still think, “It could never happen to me.” Perhaps as they read your story, they will realize that in this current economic meltdown, no-one is immune. If so, your story may save them a great deal of suffering.

I hope you won’t mind a little advice to help you survive this crisis. People don’t seem yet to realize the magnitude of the predicament. I believe that the world wide economy will continue to flounder for many years to come. This is just the beginning and things will get far worse before they improve. Therefore, if you are to survive and avoid homelessness, NOW is the time to take drastic steps to that end. You are right on track when you say you will seek any employment that will help you to maintain, but more will be required. If you are carrying a large mortgage, it would be better to let the house go now rather than deplete your resources in an attempt to keep it. Believe me, it will be easy enough to replace it when the emergency has passed and you will be far better off during the crisis if you ration your resources wisely. I made the mistake of depleting my reserves in a vain attempt to maintain my property and other possessions. I may not have become homeless if I had downscaled my lifestyle radically at the outset. You should divest yourself of all the fancy trappings of the lifestyle you have become accustomed to and make survival your only priority. Find an inexpensive room to rent and sell everything you can for whatever you can get for it. Stop making payments on ALL your debts and allow the creditors to repossess everything that is encumbered. Don’t worry about the consequences of this. Millions of people worldwide will be in the same boat at the end of this and debt forgiveness will be one of the first things that will occur if the system is to come out of it at all.

On a personal level, activity is the key to avoiding the depression that will destroy many people in these hard times. If you don’t find steady employment, take whatever you can get even if it is delivering flyers on a day to day basis, and Volunteer. You will be amazed how much better you will feel about yourself when you are actively helping others in need and volunteerism often leads to paid employment. If you need someone to talk to, I am always happy to do what I can. Just email me at ronzig@rogers.com  and we’ll take it from there. Good luck.               

Anonymous May 8/09

Hi Ronzig,
thanks for sharing your story,
so much to learn
You are strong,wise and a true inspriration

Thank you. It was nice speaking with you yesterday.

Anonymous#5 Apr 26/09

Damn skippy Bro!
It's Boni from Tent City. Love your cabin:-) It was beautiful!
The minute one enters social services one is not a "person" any more, one is a "client" or "patient" or the most patronizing of all, "member"--as if such "members" were part of an exclusive club with voting privileges.
The fact is, shelters are just a socially acceptable prison system for those who commit the crime of poverty.
We're not "Homeless" our home is Toronto.
We know how to build a house, if the authorities would stop knocking them down on us.
What we *are* is de-housed refugees in our own city.
We're not necessarily "mentally ill/addicted"--we're supposed to be "citizens". If we suffer from some of the same struggles as those who are housed, somehow we are, as a group "less than" our cousins in Rosedale.
Keep up the great site.

Thanks my friend. You make some very important observations. I never considered myself “Homeless.” Just because a person doesn’t have a municipal address they label us and then they can discard us. I particularly like the terminology you use when you say we are, “de-housed refugees in our own city.” I couldn’t agree more. We are political and economic refugees who are denied even the comfort of a refugee camp.

Anonymous#4 Apr 13/09

Congrats

Tks.

Anonymous#3 Mar 26/09

thank you so much for what you are doing. A dear friend of mine is homeless in Toronto from last November '08. I read your story via twitter/blogTO here in Ireland. Anything that can be done to make a difference will go a long way.Best wishes Eva

Thank you Eva. There’s a long way to go. I hope I live long enough to see homelessness and poverty eradicated world wide.

Steve Mar 21/09

I can both relate to the crack addiction (mine was heroin and crack, along with cannabis, acid, tees n blues and just about any other opiate I could get my hands on - no bathroom medicine chest was safe around me!)  Helluva story Ron; would love to put a link on Stone Soup Station if you'd allow me to!
Get in touch ol timer; we got some stuff to talk about!
Cheers bro
Steve

Congratulations. It’s a very interesting and informative site. You have my permission to use anything from my site that you feel will be helpful provided you credit the source and I would appreciate permission to use information from your site under the same criteria. By the way, the links for the photos under California "tent city" for homeless to be closed aren’t working. Also, feel free to use info from my site in The Contributor under the same criteria. Would it be possible to receive issues of it via email? I think people might be interested in subscribing that way.

Anonymous#2 Mar 6/09

great work and take de cares..!
peace

Thank you. Glad you like my work.

Thomas Mar 6/09

Thank you for sharing your experiences as difficult as they are. You have changed how I see drug addiction and the problem of homelessness. Wishing you all the best,
Thomas.

Thank you Thomas to read that I have made a difference in your outlook is all the reassurance I need to continue my efforts.

Anonymous#1 Feb 11/09

I sincerely want to wish you the best of luck with your life.

Thank you anonymous for your kind wishes.

SBL - BPO Services said...

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October 17, 2008 2:25 AM

Ronzig said...

Thank you so much.It is especially gratifying to receive a compliment about my efforts from a professional like yourself.

October 19, 2008 6:31 AM

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